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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27991551">the scars of your love (they leave me breathless)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/xcusemeiloveyou/pseuds/xcusemeiloveyou'>xcusemeiloveyou</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Supergirl (TV 2015)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Angst without a happy ending, Character Death, F/F, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Kara Danvers Needs a Hug, Lena Luthor Needs a Hug, POV Second Person, all from a reddit prompt, just pure angst meant to crush your heart and obliterate your soul</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 18:15:19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,710</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27991551</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/xcusemeiloveyou/pseuds/xcusemeiloveyou</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>prompt: "humanity will only unite if they have a common enemy. in that unity, they will achieve peace, for as long as that enemy lives." he looked at you with his dark tired eyes, your weapon on his neck, as he croaked, "that's why i chose to be the bad guy." (from reddit)</p><p>or</p><p>in which lena never recovers from learning her best friend's been lying to her for years.</p><p>work title from adele's rolling in the deep</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>57</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>the scars of your love (they leave me breathless)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>it is currently 3 am and i wrote the majority of this like now... and it doesn't really make sense? oh well, there's not really a plot and this was kinda my break from supercorptober(vembercember) so here you go</p><p>i'm sorry if you don't like it?</p><p>fun fact: i challenged myself to answer the prompt in 500 words but i'm at 3.6k so that really says a lot about me</p><p>would really appreciate someone pointing out errors if any exist, and also any pov changes i did on accident writing this deliriously at 3 am</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>You don’t know how it got to this.</p><p>When you look into her eyes through the mask, your lips tingle, as if remembering when they were pressed to hers. You close your eyes.</p><p>(It feels like she didn’t lead-line it just to spite you.)</p><p>She has you backed against a wall, the only thing keeping you from crumpling. You slump against it even if every fighting cell of you screams at you to stand up straight and lift your chin up as if you’re unaffected.</p><p>You don’t think it matters. After all, Lena Luthor has seen you at your worst. She’s seen you at your weakest.</p><p>You feel like you’ve never been weaker. Your Kryptonian physiology rejects the radiation coming from the pulsating green rock.</p><p>Pain seems to rake from under your skin, from the ends of your hair to the tips of your toes. Every part of you aches, every part of you longs to be free of the agony, <em> begs </em> you to be free of the agony that is kryptonite.</p><p>Lena Luthor has known always your weakness.</p><p>Even far before she had turned to you, smiling to her eyes. <em> What’s your kryptonite? </em> she had asked. You had only managed to stammer out an incoherent answer.</p><p>How were you supposed to answer when your kryptonite, your <em> weakness </em> was the stone itself?</p><p>How were you supposed to answer when her eyes, her kryptonite-colored eyes, looked at you as if you were her sun?</p><p>How were you supposed to form a coherent answer, when the only true answer would’ve been <em> you? </em></p><p>You look at her and you realize your answer has not changed.</p><p>You shudder as the flesh-searing pain intensifies with every beat of your heart, the poison spreading through your body and making your veins grow a terrifying green.</p><p>With a grit of your teeth, you throw a hook. You know that even in your weakened state, you could probably punch hard enough to kill, but there’s no real force behind the punch. You could never bring yourself to hurt her.</p><p>You love her too much.</p><p>She dodges but you manage to clip the mask of the damaged Lexosuit. It fragments under your knuckles and clatters to the floor.</p><p>Big mistake. You know immediately your knuckles are bruised, but that’s not the biggest problem.</p><p>The mask falls away to reveal a face so achingly familiar it takes your breath away. Her eyes are just as green as you remember, just as beautiful as ever, even if they’re clouded with fury. Even streaked with sweat, you still see <em> your </em> Lena behind the narrowed eyes and cold glare.</p><p>You get to watch her kill you.</p><p>She takes a step forwards, clad in a bulky metal suit you remember seeing in her lab. Two lumps of kryptonite are embedded into the hands, and all she really needs to do to increase your torment is to walk closer.</p><p>Except that’s not what hurts the most.</p><p>Your bite down so hard your teeth feel like they’re going to be ground to a dust because what still hurts the most is the way she’s looking at you.</p><p>You’ve only seen it once before. When she first betrayed you at the Fortress.</p><p>“Lena.” Her name tumbles out of your mouth, accompanied by a sob.</p><p>“Supergirl,” she responds curtly, lifting her chin marginally higher.</p><p><em> That’s not my name! </em> you want to scream but the kryptonite threading through your system ensures that every cell in your body searing with pain.</p><p>“Are- are you going to kill me now?” you ask, just like you did that day at the Fortress. It comes out broken and weak. Pathetic.</p><p>“No, Supergirl,” Lena answers evenly, face impassive as ever. You remember when she used a different voice with you, one much softer. “I’m not going to kill you. The kryptonite will.”</p><p>You remember when you had asked her about it, and she had just shrugged. You like to think her cheeks were a little flushed. <em>You’re my best friend</em>, she had said softly.</p><p>Despite the swell it brought to your chest, the last word had still brought a pang to your heart.</p><p>You search her eyes, wondering if she’s leaving anything unspoken.</p><p>Her eyes are hard, two chips of kryptonite.</p><p>Your sigh comes out ragged and tears begin to prick behind your eyes. There’s no doubt Lena would kill you.</p><p>“Why not?” you croak. You can see black spots dancing in your vision, darkness slowly eating its way inside.</p><p>She raises an eyebrow and you swallow at the familiarity that rushes through you. Usually, when she cocked an eyebrow like that, it was accompanied by a joke, by a short quip she knew would make you laugh.</p><p>“Never pegged you for suicidal,” she muses, looking almost amused. “If I stood here long enough, you’d die eventually.”</p><p>“They’ll get you.”</p><p>The Luthor snorts, “Who? Look around you, <em> Supergirl </em>.” She spits the name like its venom like it’s not a name worthy of falling from her lips. “You’re alone.”</p><p>“My friends, my family,” she says quietly, clenching her jaw against the hurt that forces the first tear from your eyes. “They’ll save me.”</p><p>Something flashes in Lena’s eyes at that, something softer. It disappears so fast you wonder if you imagined it.</p><p>“They’re busy fighting off empty Lexosuits.”</p><p>“<em> ehl maiiahrah </em>[el mayarah],” you rasp weakly, and you watch as Lena registers the alien, but familiar phrase. “It means that we’re stronger together,” you push on. “You know that just as well as I do. That’s what separates the good guys from the bad.” Lena scoffs, but you ignore the fist that clamps around your heart. “We have a team, people we care about. We have something to fight for.</p><p>“You know what <em> ehl maiiahrah </em> means, Lena. It doesn’t just mean “stronger together.” You always loved watching the stars, remember? You always loved trying to find the three stars that made up Orion’s belt because they were the only ones you could see together.”</p><p>You think back to the last time the two of you looked at stars together.</p><p>She had called you in the middle of the night, seeking a friend, and without thought, you had gone over to her penthouse. You went to the roof with a blanket and laid down to watch the small points of light glitter in the darkness. If you peered over your lead-framed glasses, you could see your home planet. Well, the past of your home planet. From Earth’s point of view, Krypton wouldn’t explode for another 2.5 million years. </p><p>It had been a moonless night, and at three o’clock in the morning, most lights had finally begun to blink out. You love it because the world is quiet. You don’t have to completely focus on Lena’s heartbeat just to stay grounded.</p><p>She'd told you that she loves this time because it’s when the lights of the city have dimmed enough so that the stars even dare to show their light, dancing and flickering through the dark blanket of darkness and silence that rested heavily over the city.</p><p>You had laid beside Lena, hyperaware of the few inches between you, torn between whether to scoot closer or further. She had, with delight, pointed out the three stars that made up Orion’s belt. </p><p>You didn’t tell her you could see the whole constellation clearly, head, bow and all. After all, she didn’t know who you were, not yet.</p><p>She had whispered star and constellation names in awe, still stuck fascinated by stars despite having studied them vigorously for years.</p><p>You’re still not quite sure how it happened, but she kissed you then.</p><p>She rolled over and her raven-black hair, darker than the night sky hand tumbled down around your face so the only thing you could see was Lena Lena Lena.</p><p>She propped herself on her hands over you, giving you plenty of time to say no, to pull away, but no, you wanted this, you wanted this and you needed this so you let her lips fall on yours.</p><p>It had been your first kiss with Lena.</p><p>And it had also been the last.</p><p>The stars had seemed to glow brighter in the sky, and when she’d pulled away, you're breathless, even with your superhuman stamina. You’d considered telling her right then and there, but the moment had been too precious to break.</p><p>You had fallen asleep at home, in between her arms.</p><p>When she had woken up an hour after sunrise, her legs and arms were speckled with bug bites, and she’d gazed over your unmarked skin with a pout.</p><p>You told her you’re Supergirl soon after that.</p><p>Tears streak down your face. Every drop is warm, and you wonder idly if you’re crying blood or if the pain is just bleeding from your eyes.</p><p>“<em> ehl </em> means “star.”” The black of the sky that night presses inwards and washes closer to the center, and you force yourself to stay upright, force yourself to continue talking. “ <em> maiiahrah </em>, that means “together.” Some stars are lonely. But stars can band together to light up the night sky. We’re stronger together.</p><p>“Stars, dead stars can still give off light. But remember? You can reignite a dead star using a black hole. You were the one who discovered that here on Earth. <em> ehl maiiahrah </em> means “stronger together,” yes, but it transcends death, Lena. Dead stars can still make a galaxy together. It’s more than just space or time.</p><p>“You were with us once, Lee. Come back to us. You don’t have to be the bad guy.”</p><p>“It’s not that simple, Kara.” It’s the first time she’s said your name since she left you to die in the Fortress, and she seems to realize this too. "They will only unite if they have a common enemy. In that unity, they will achieve peace, for as long as that enemy lives." She looks at you with dark, tired eyes. "That's why I chose to be the bad guy."</p><p>You simply look at her, and she looks back.</p><p>You wonder when she was this broken before realizing that you were the one who did this to her.</p><p>The hand around your chest squeezes so tightly you gasp for air, clawing at the imaginary grip around your throat.</p><p>“You know why <em> ehl maiiahrah </em>works? Because you have a common enemy.”</p><p>“It doesn’t have to be you,” you say weakly. “We can fight on the same side again.”</p><p>Lena shakes her head sadly, “It’s not that simple, Supergirl.”</p><p>“Kara,” you tell her, putting all your energy into the one word. “My name is Kara.”</p><p>Her expression is unreadable through your half-lidded eyes.</p><p>You’re so tired.</p><p>But this isn’t over yet, it <em> can’t </em>be over. Not when Lena is still against you, not when she still hates you.</p><p>“Come back to me, Lena,” you beg, and the darkness has closed in so that the only thing keeping your eyelids from slumping all the way down are her eyes. Such beautiful and perfect green… “Why did you have to choose Lex?”</p><p>“You hurt me."</p><p>"I'm sorry," you say, but it seems to go right over her head.</p><p>"You know what makes a Luthor a Luthor?” her jaw clenches.</p><p>"Betrayal," you both say simultaneously, and you look her in those cold, hard eyes, even if your voice wavers and gives out.</p><p>“And I’m so sorry,” you whimper, too weak to sob anymore. Tears run freely down your cheeks stinging and throbbing on skin blistered with poison. “I never meant to hurt you. I just wanted you to love me back,” you say without thinking, and your voice cracks. “I just wanted you to love Kara because all my friends loved me for Supergirl, too. And I was selfish and I... I lost you.”</p><p>Lena steps closer and the proximity to pure, supercharged kryptonite makes you cry out with most of the remaining strength you have left.</p><p>“I.. I don’t… have much… time,” you tell her. “I don’t want to die… without letting you know… that I love you… and that I’m sorry, Rao, I’m… I’m so sorry. And I don’t deserve your forgiveness… but… that would be… great,” you mumble, struggling to stay awake, struggling to push away the darkness for the sake of a few more seconds with your former best friend and the love of your life.</p><p>“Kara,” she whispers, and you look up to see something shifting in her.</p><p>“Lena,” you breathe back, and it just all hurts so much you let your eyes close and slump to the floor, trembling and soaked with sweat and tears.</p><p>In the agony, your legs twitch and your back arches off the floor and it’s like all you’ve ever known is pain pain pain pain pain.</p><p>What makes it worse is that the pain is nothing compared to the agony in your heart, the agony of the claws gouging out your chest because no, Lena doesn’t love you, not anymore. Maybe she didn’t even love you in the first place.</p><p>“No, Kara, wait, no, please- I can’t let you go like this... I- no!”</p><p>“‘S too late.”</p><p>The pain slowly ebbs, not enough to let you stand, but enough so that you can fight the exhaustion for a little bit more.</p><p>You wrench open your eyes, watching with watery eyes as Lena closes the lead sheath over the kryptonite.</p><p>“Lena… what?”</p><p>The Luthor clicks a button at the base of her neck and the suit collapses in on itself until it’s nothing more than a hidden box.</p><p>“What are you doing?” you wheeze.</p><p>“Forgiving you,” she answers.</p><p>Your mind is too sluggish, your ears too slow to hear the click of a gun in the distance.</p><p>As if moving through water, you find the source of the sound, and can only cry out her name.</p><p>Not in time for her to move.</p><p>As the crack sounds, she meets your gaze, her pale eyes soft and vulnerable, brimming with tears and hurt and love. There’s something tender in there, something that resembles love.</p><p>The bullet tears through the air and then her heart.</p><p>Lena’s mouth parts slightly, and she gives a watery apologetic smile as her knees hit the ground, followed by the rest of her.</p><p>Time returns to normal and suddenly, adrenaline is pulsing through you. You scramble to your knees, flipping her over so she’s on her back.</p><p>“Bullet went through and through,” you tell her frantically when you see the exit wound on her chest. You press your hands over it, her soft groan of pain tearing at you. “Lena, we need to get you to a hospital.”</p><p>“Kara, stop,” she whispers, reaching up a shaky hand to press to the Kryptonian’s knee. “Just… just stay with me, please?”</p><p>“No, Lena, I mean, yes! But we need… we need to get you medical help. You’re going to be okay. Stay with me, Lee.”</p><p>“The bullet tore through my heart and lungs, darling. I’ll only survive if you can I can make it to the hospital before my heart stops, and you and I know that isn’t happening.”</p><p>“Lena,” Your sob bursts out of you so violently you gasp from the pain remaining from the kryptonite in your system. “No.”</p><p>“Maybe… maybe it was supposed to end this way, darling. I chose my brother, and I chose death. Sometimes we make bad choices and there are consequences.”</p><p>“Don’t say that!” you plead, blood seeping over your hands. It’s warm and sticky and your stomach heaves as the ground darkens beneath Lena, soaked with the crimson liquid that coats your hands. “Lena,” you say, unable to say anything else.</p><p>You kneel by her limp body, and you can feel the sticky blood soaking into your suit, but you can’t bring yourself to move. </p><p>She coughs, a wet hack that leaves blood glistening on her lips.</p><p>“I love you, Kara,” she promises. “I forgive you. I hope you forgive me.”</p><p>“No!” you gasp, running a thumb over her lower lip to rid of the blood. “Please. Lena. Look at me. Promise me you’ll be here when I wake up tomorrow. Promise me. I forgive you. I already have from the beginning. I just want- I just need you, Lee. I can’t do it without you. Be there when I wake up.”</p><p>“I’m so sorry, darling.” Her lips twist in a wry smile and an eyebrow is raised. It’s the classic Lena Luthor move. Sass in the face of a storm, in the midst of a war. “If only I could transcend death, too.”</p><p>“Lena!” you beg, sobbing as her hands cup your cheeks. They’re cold, so, so, terrifyingly cold and she shivers. But they’re just as soft as you remember them, fingers brushing back the golden hair that tumbles down as you hover over her.</p><p>You’re reminded of Astra, your aunt, in her dying moments, in this very position, and you bite your lower lip to stop the scream of anguish that wants to rip itself from your throat.</p><p>“You’ll be fine without me, Kara. You always did great. And,” she coughs again, spluttering a little more blood. “And you have your family. You have your friends.”</p><p>“You’re my family! You’re my friend! How can you just leave me like this? You promised! You’re not supposed to leave me!”</p><p>“Hey,” Lena soothes you, tracing the pad of her thumb across your cheekbone. It’s ironic that she’s the one calming you when she’s the one about to die. “You’re going to be okay. You’re going to stand up and keep going because that’s what you always do, darling. You’re strong, okay? We may be stronger together, but you’re still strong. You’re one of the strongest people I know, Kara, and that’s one of the things I love about you.”</p><p>Her eyes are clear now; there’s no trace of the rage or pain that had clouded it earlier. Clarity shimmers in pale green pools.</p><p>“I love you, darling. Just remember that.”</p><p>“I- I don’t know if I can go on without you,” you manage.</p><p>“Of course you can, silly. You’re… the love of my life. You’re Kara Zor-El Danvers, the Girl of Steel, the Maiden of Might, Supergirl. You are nothing if not strong.”</p><p>“Then why does it hurt so much?” Your voice breaks, and your tears fall from your eyes, some merging with the trails that streak down Lena’s temples. “Losing my planet hurt less. Losing my aunt, my dad- why does it feel like I’m losing everything? Like I’m losing my world again, but a bazillion times over?”</p><p>“The same way it hurts most when someone you love hurts you. I’m sorry… I can’t help you, darling. I’m afraid our crossed paths end here. You… you have… to keep going. Promise me?”</p><p>You nod vigorously, words blurred through tears. “I promise.”</p><p>“Okay. I love you.”</p><p>“I love you, too.”</p><p>“How do you say it in Kryptonian?”</p><p>“<em> .:zhaoodh khap w rrip </em>,” you whisper with all the conviction you can muster.</p><p>Lena repeats the phrase, her breaths coming faster now. You listen for her usually calm heartbeat, and a wave of agony momentarily paralyzes you when you hear the quick and ragged palpitations, the organ attempting and failing to make up for the lost blood and broken tissue.</p><p>“I mean it,” she says. “Even… even after all I did to you… I don’t know why you did it.”</p><p>“Lex is your brother,” you tell her. “Sometimes you have to choose family.”</p><p>“Is… is everything okay now?”</p><p>“Lena?”</p><p>“Did you forgive me?”</p><p>“Yeah, Lee, I did.”</p><p>“Thank you, darling,” she says weakly.</p><p>“You’re welcome,” you say, out of habit.</p><p>“I love you.”</p><p>“I love you,” you echo.</p><p>“I’d kiss you right now, but I don’t think I could,” she whispers, her bloodied lips turning up at the corners into a smile that crinkles the corner of her eyes.</p><p>You lean down and press a soft kiss to her forehead.</p><p>She’s struggling to breathe, each breath wheezing and hitching in her throat.</p><p>“Just so you know,” she says so softly you have to lean closer to hear. “I’m… so sorry… it turned… out this way. If… we could’ve had… a better ending… I… I would’ve… chosen that. I’m so sorry, darling.”</p><p>You blink, swallowing the sob that wells up from her gut. “It should’ve been me. It should’ve been you who killed me.”</p><p class="line">“No…the Supers... are destined to... to beat... the Luthors. And you were… sent here to… do good. Go and do just that.”</p><p>“Okay. Okay. I love you.”</p><p>“I… love you… too.”</p><p>You give her a watery smile, shoulders shuddering as a sob bursts out.</p><p>“One… more… thing…”</p><p>“Yeah?”</p><p>“Promise… me… you’ll… be… happy?” Her lips twitch. “Can’t… have you… moping… around… after… I’m gone.”</p><p class="line">"I'll- I'll see... you again someday. Maybe... maybe in your dreams. But... we... we were never... meant to be... Not... not in this life."</p><p class="line">Kara sobs.</p><p>“Promise,” Lena says urgently.</p><p>“Yeah, okay.” Her voice breaks. “I promise. <em> vrreiahvodh khuhp </em>”</p><p>“Good. I love you.”</p><p>“I love you, too.”</p><p>Lena’s hands slip from your face, and suddenly you’re cold. Way too cold for someone who’s not supposed to be cold. With the smallest smile, she takes her final, shuddering, wheezing breath.</p><p>Lena exhales and doesn’t breathe again.</p><p>You sink onto your heels, shoulders slumping over as you cry silently over her lifeless body.</p><p>She’s gone.</p><p>And there’s no going back.</p><p>(<em>Is</em><em> it my fault?  </em>you ask yourself.</p><p>Yeah, it definitely is.)</p><p>But she wanted you to be happy, so you push the thought away, and you press your lips to skin that’s already losing its warmth fast.</p><p><em> .kaozhaehswitodh urvish bah, khuhtiv :zhao, </em> you want to say, but the words get stuck in your throat. <em> Rest in peace, my love. </em></p><p>Instead, all you can do is stay hunched over her body and throw your head to the sky in a soundless wail, asking Rao what you did wrong for Him to give you such unbearable agony.</p><p>Instead, all you can do is hold the lifeless form of the love of your life, whispering one phrase over and over and over again because maybe, just maybe she can hear you.</p><p>“<em> .:zhaoodh khap w rrip, khuhtiv :zrhueiao </em>”</p><p>
  <em> I love you, my beautiful. </em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>angsty enough? this is officially my first angst without a happy ending fic so yay me</p><p>i made an <a href="https://www.instagram.com/learning.kryptahniuo/">instagram</a> account where i learn and teach kryptahniuo, so if you're interested... </p><p> </p><p><b>kryptonian phrase of the day!</b>.</p><p><em>/.kaikypzrhig udolkhehd dokhahsho rrahn zha non kav/</em><br/>hint: president marsdin said this</p><p><span class="symbol exclamation"><span>!</span></span><br/><a><b>ANSWER:</b></a><br/><span class="symbol exclamation"><span>!</span></span> &lt;-- only hover over this text if you are dying to know what awaits you! (only works if you’re not on mobile, sorry! i’m looking for a way to spoiler)</p></blockquote></div></div>
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